Elite Daily editor Daisy Grace, interviews Muffy
If you have recently fallen in love with someone, chances of advancing your relationship are often faced with some challenges as a result of the excitement that emanates from the new crush. However, if the partnership is meant to last, it is usually marked by the potential growth of the new bond. Different from the common myth about new relationships, where seemingly nothing can separate you, change and growth is imminent in well-established relationships.
This change may, at times, create a new, uncomfortable environment.
According to Muffy Churches, author of “Coach Yourself,” partners usually become hard-presses in recalling past defensive emotional experiences during the initial stages of a relationship. Churches notes this mainly hails from the fact that you are familiar with the other person. She also indicates that a new couple becomes thrilled and excited about the growth of their relationship in thinking that they are trudging on the right path to its advancement.
Also, Churches points out that partners have learned little about each other, and most likely haven’t engaged in enough depth to understand the extent of their bond. Churches — who has decades of experience in dealing with clients — notes the only way to shield relationship breakups is by emptying the resounding defensive emotions that get in the way deep down the track of a partnership. Churches reckons that shifting the emotions to a positive place will help in resolving these defensive emotions.
Let’s look into the details of the three obstacles that are hindering your relationship from achieving its full potential:
1. Acceding To Defensive Emotions
One of the most effective tips to build better relationships is shifting our defensive emotions to a positive place. In order to do this, you have to be much more focused and centred. Churches notes that because of our egos (which are there for our defence), we become extensively ambitious. As a result, the defensive front toggles on different emotions such as envy, anger and frustration, which all ignite negativity in a relationship.
Solution: Admitting responsibility and taking steps in resolving the differences is one of the most effective approaches of dealing with defensive emotions. Without taking sides, try to find out and understand where these emotions are originating from. To start, make yourself comfortable by taking a look at how you identify your partner. Explore their behaviour, even if you don’t concur with their characteristics. This helps you shift into empathy and understanding. In reference to Churches, it’s when you make a step to shift the dynamic through taking charge of your responsibilities and how you see your partner that you foster positivity, which has a significant impact on your partner.
2. Ignoring Crises
No one is lucky enough to have never faced retrospective instances (particularly during an argument) wondering about the mistakes you made and how it all started. Churches notes that such disagreements front an opportunity for the growth of your relationship, unlike what many perceive to be unhelpful. Denying the problems is not an effective solution, as it only extends the recovery period of your relationship. In addition, negativity and detachment has room to thrive if you make no effort in reaching reconciliation, since you will keep fighting over and over.
Solution: Acknowledging that there are problems in your relationship should be the first step in trying to fix them. Identifying the route cause is ideal in finding out why the problems arise. To help find a resolution, come up with ideas that will help you point out amicable solutions to address the problem you are faced with as a couple. Implement measures together to help deal with issues harming your relationship, and then come up with checkpoints to monitor your progress in handling your problems.
3. Your Own Thought Processes
In reference to the latest lifestyle news today, you are charged with the responsibility of looking after so much in your life. It’s the reason you take your car to the mechanic, go for a medical checkup, engage in workouts and observe your personal hygiene. However, you have never taken a course to learn how to look after your mind and quality of thinking, according to Churches. Churches states that for you to maximise your relationship’s potential, you should have the willingness to monitor your thought patterns which service you well, but more specifically, those that sound less useful. She reckons that some beliefs we hold about ourselves can be detrimental when it comes to our relationships. But more notably, the inflexible expectations we have for our partners may be negatively impacted.
Solution: You and your partner should draft rules and regulations that can help the growth of your relationship. Don’t come up with an imaginary list of things you should expect your partner to be, as it can be unfair to the growth of your love. To keep things fair and balanced in your relationship, constantly monitor your thought processes and the quality of your thinking.
Seek help from love and relationship professionals, if the need arises. There are certain trends you should always observe in your partner in order to see the direction your relationship is heading in. While we trudge with the hope of improving and strengthening our relationships, we should keep an open mind and remember that anything can and will happen, sooner or later. Allowing defensive emotions, ignoring problems and an inability to control our thought processes are the three main obstacles that can hinder your relationship from achieving its full potential.
However, the good news is that those same three obstacles (when addressed at an early stage), can significantly strengthen your partnership.
