Fernwood Fitness Magazine: Feature interview with Muffy Churches, author Coach Yourself
This story explores the topic ‘embarking on change’ – it might be a weight loss journey, a new fitness or health campaign, or a decision to switch to a healthier overall mindset. On the surface, the process may seem logical and straightforward, but in reality change is often met with deeper triggers that threaten to destabilise your efforts.
Questions
1. Can you explain why the process of change can seem very simple on the surface but in reality tends to be a difficult process for many people?
SUCH a good question! It’s always easy for us to notice where change is needed, because our emotions alert us to the situations in our lives that we wish could be different. For example I might feel anxious looking in the mirror seeing the weight I’ve put on and think “That’s it…It’s time to change this!”. It’s an easy decision in the moment, but the reality is that behind the extra kilos sit, years of thought patterns and habits that have set up an intricate web of body chemistry, justifications and emotions, making the change very challenging to implement, but NOT impossible! I say challenging because as soon as we make the effort to shift our behaviour, we begin to feel the pain of change. We’re out of our comfort zone of the familiarity of habit. We have to make new choices that feel less satisfying. We may perceive that we’re ‘denying ourselves’ deserved rewards, and… we cave in. The pain-gain scale tips away from our initial interest in the change and toward our old, comfortable, reliable, yet ineffective behaviours and we’re back where we started! In order to succeed at breaking through this common ‘surrender to comfort’ tendency, we need to be willing to experience the uneasiness and carry on!
2. What are some of the common barriers that hold us back from our potential?
There are 3 key obstacles.
1) The lack of clarity If we don’t have a vision for an ideal future or for what our personal or professional potential may look like, we have nothing specific to move towards and our world becomes one of reactivity rather than proactivity. We get so busy, that we forget about the importance of taking quiet time for ourselves without distractions. It’s in this space that we can take the time to imagine the life that we really want and the exact changes that we’ll need to make to bring that ideal picture to fruition.
2) The lack of self-worth Most of us have to varying degrees, smiling here, an evil-twin as an inner-voice. It doubts us. It questions our strengths, abilities, potential, and our deservedness in general. If unmanaged, it jabbers away with the “I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t, I can’t be bothered, and it’s all too hard.” – A definite showstopper. One of the most significant factors in succeeding at living to our potential is the ability to quiet this disruptive, self-limiting voice by relentlessly shifting it to thoughts of positivity and self-support.
3) The lack of a supportive environment. If you’ve ever tried to stop smoking but your partner or best friend continued on without you, you’ll know what I mean. Even trying to eliminate certain foods after dinner is a nightmare for our discipline if a significant other is running back and forth to the kitchen for cookies and ice cream. And…if you have a dream for yourself but friends or family continually stifle it, you’ll be running uphill with weights on your back. Choosing the people you spend time with is going to be really important as you drive to make any kind of change happen.
3. What are some strategies for bridging the gap between knowing/understanding unhelpful thoughts and patterns and actually changing them?
Once we’ve identified a self-limiting or unhelpful thought pattern, it is about having the patience and perseverance to build the bridge, step by step, to the new way of thinking, even though truthfully, we’d rather just be able to instantly leap the gap! Here are 5 tips for making that happen.
1) Know why: As we’ve said earlier, it takes effort and the willingness to be put out of our comfort zone to make changes in our thinking and behaviour occur, so being really clear about the pain the current thinking is causing is a great way to ensure that your motivation persists throughout the bridge building process
2) Have a vision: Know precisely what you’re aiming for, by imagining the results and outcomes of the new thinking. Be able to see it, feel it and almost touch it, then…
3) Reverse engineer: Work out what new thinking will get you to that end result. Actually practice ‘having new thoughts’ on the topic of your change-goal. Rehearse the new thinking in your head over and over again. You’re actually in the process of reprogramming your software.
4) Act: Now, experiment. Your new thought patterns will generate new behaviour, new emotions and new ways of conversing on the topic. Look for opportunities to test yourself with the new programming and celebrate small and large wins!
5) Persevere: This level of change takes time and small steps work best. Know that its totally normal to experience slip backs, and just when you thought you had it made. No worries. Just keep at it and one day, like magic, you’ll notice that out of nowhere…presto chango, your new thinking is your new ‘default’.
4. If we feel unsettled or anxious about something, isn’t that an alarm bell to avoid what we are doing?
Can you elaborate on ‘feeling uncomfortable’ and how to use that in a functional way? Our emotions are miraculous safety valves for us as we navigate life and the art form is in reading them in context with our current reality and acting accordingly.
There are always 2 questions to ask ourselves when we feel anxious:
a) Am I in an unhealthy, dangerous, or threatening situation that I should back out of?
b) Am I anxious for a ‘healthy’ reason- meaning, am I feeling the results of being out of my comfort zone as I challenge myself to grow and develop or move toward a necessary change in my life?
When we can identify that an unsettled feeling is coming from a ‘healthy’ move toward change, we can mindfully choose to flow with the discomfort- accept it and embrace it. In fact, we can leverage its energy to resist the natural urge to give-up and instead, using perseverance, stay the course, trusting that newfound comfort will come in time.
5. Extension of the above Q – Can you provide a specific example of leveraging an anxiety for a positive outcome?
An example is the common experience of performance nerves. We’re all familiar with the anxiety that can accompany competing in a sport, or making a speech and it’s actually possible to leverage those nerves to create a positive outcome. From a chemical and biological point of view, an adrenalin rush goes hand in hand with our performance ‘moments that count’, and the key is in knowing that it is our chosen ‘perception’ of that rush that makes the difference. If we interpret the adrenalin we feel as fear, it will serve to protect us from potential pain by deadening our natural responses, causing a subdued performance and less efficient thinking. On the other hand, if we perceive the circumstances to be ‘exciting’, the adrenalin rush is interpreted as safe and the brain synapses work instead to enhance our thinking efficiency, helping us to create a peak performance. The magical technique then, is to learn to switch our thinking from “I’m nervous”, to “I’m excited”. Rehearse this positivity relentlessly for days before the event. Faking it till we make it not only counts, it works!
6. Do you have a view on why so many people seek guidance on how to live a happy life/seek contentment?
Knowing how to find contentment isn’t often something that we’re trained up in at school or at home. We grow up in environments that focus us strongly on an external world- “Go to school, get a job, open a bank account, find a relationship, have children, take a vacation, and don’t forget to get your car serviced.” We’re not generally educated to look ‘within’ to service our MIND- not trained to identify the personal thought patterns that aren’t serving us well, nor are we taught a process whereby we can take responsibility to transform these troublesome thoughts into ones that will reward us with better results and higher levels of contentment. At some stage we realise that collecting material toys and enlarging our bank account isn’t actually making us feel any more fulfilled. So we begin the search for life satisfaction- for how to feel good about ourselves and how to be happy!
7. Why is learning to coach yourself important?
Understanding how to coach ourselves, in other words having a process to follow to make desired change happen, means that we have the capability to dismiss the days of having to ENDURE life situations as if they were a fixed hand we were dealt. Using self-coaching as a constant process, we empower ourselves to light our own path. We become the director of our own life movie and therefore can ensure over time, based on the script that we choose to work from, that our reality matches our vision for ourselves. When we have the capability to coach ourselves through personal challenges and setbacks as they occur, we lessen the duration of our pain leaving more room for joy. We can move through the downtimes with more speed and get on with having more fun!
8. Can you list three key elements to harnessing the power of mindset to create change in any aspect of your life?
The magic of working our mindset to create positive change, hinges on 3 core activities:
1. A search for clarity of vision: In order to change any aspect of our lives we have to be crystal clear about what we no longer want, and what we want instead. The picture of our new goal must be vivid and in full detail.
2. A search for new ways to think: Once we have a clear view of where we’re headed we can then reverse engineer to discover how we can get there. What new thoughts, beliefs, values, and emotions will we need to introduce in order to begin to create the shift in behaviour that will lead us to bringing our new vision to life?
3. The will to persevere: When we begin to enact this new thinking and behaviour, we’ll need to anticipate and accept the fact that there will be a few bumps in the road that will test what we hoped would be smooth and immediate progress. Finding the strength to push through, keeping our vision at the forefront of our focus will be the key to success!
9. Can you suggest an exercise people can try that will assist them in creating this mindset?
“The Change Offensive” Take 15 uninterrupted minutes alone with paper and pen.
Step 1: (Vision)(5 Minutes) Simply, give yourself time to close your eyes and envision the change you want to make in your life. See it as clearly and in as much detail as you can. Where are you, who are you with, what are you wearing, how are you feeling emotionally, etc. Open eyes and take a few notes.
Step 2: (New Approach)(5 Minutes) Close your eyes again and start your work on shifting thought patterns to accommodate the vision that you have for change. Work out first what the old dysfunctional or ineffective approach was on the topic, then start to create the new attitudes, perceptions and thoughts that will help you reach your change-goal. Again, open eyes and write them down.
Step 3: (Action Plan)(5 Minutes) Now get strategic and practical. Brainstorm a list of action steps you can take to get this change up and running. Write everything that comes to mind without judgement, then, circle 3 of the best action items to get started with. Then… with hope, leave the room feeling inspired and energised around an exciting new beginning!
