Did you see it coming? One day the house is very quiet, and… we all have varying responses.
Common Feelings:
For some, it’s a total surprise…“I knew at one stage they’d all be independent and gone, but it didn’t occur to me that things would feel so different! I’m sort of in shock.” Others start to sense the onset of either dread or excitement, years ahead of time.
When the moment arrives, those of us anxious around the thought of letting-go, find ourselves face to face with the sense of loss that we’ve been anticipating and are left wondering what to do with it. Depending on our natural levels of openness to change, that feeling of hollowness can last as long as we allow it to.
On the other side of the fence, those actually looking forward to newfound freedom are sometimes surprised that they feel confused about how to fill the new vacuum of space and time.
Whatever our individual response, one of the biggest challenges is learning how to refocus on ‘Self’. We get so accustomed to being present, available, and in service to the kids that much of our identity, sense of purpose, and personal validation gets wrapped up in playing that role. Once it’s no longer required, we simply need to reset and recalibrate.
Here are some things to think about when you’re making the shift into an exciting new you!
Transition Tips:
1. Reclaim Yourself!
Take some guilt-free time to focus on YOU and be prepared- it may feel foreign and awkward at first. Ask yourself some of the following questions, “Who am I now that I’m not filling my time as chauffeur, cook, cleaner and organiser?” “What are my passions and personal/professional strengths?” “Who, how, and what do I love?” “Is there a ‘me’ that’s been waiting to ‘be’?”
2. Envision:
This is the fun bit. Take some quiet time with eyes closed to conjure up a reinvention. In your imagination, write your own script and direct your own life movie. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? What are you wearing? And most importantly, what feel-good emotions are you experiencing? Don’t reduce or limit yourself. Everything is possible.
3. Plan:
Now make it real. What will you need to do to make this vision for yourself come to fruition? Create a plan and break it down into small, doable steps. Each day make sure you’re undertaking something that will bring you closer to becoming the new you.
4. Connect:
Surround yourself with people that you enjoy. Proactively connect, network, lunch and coffee. Playing is a beautiful, healthy distraction and built in support mechanism for you as you transition.
5. Be Patient:
Let’s say, you envision yourself stepping into a new career but feel flooded with self-doubt and lack of professional confidence. Know that this is common. Be accepting and at ease with your feelings, then chose to persevere with excitement and renewed conviction. Trust in your capability.
As you move through this stage of life be gentle with yourself and remember that all your feelings are valid. See yourself through proactive eyes of love and understanding and enjoy your ‘Becoming’!
Speaker, success coach, and corporate trainer, Muffy Churches is at www.muffychurhes.com. She is the author of “Coach Yourself”.
