On the surface, change seems simple. Lose five kilos and your clothes will fall better on your body. Reduce your sugar intake to improve the appearance of your skin. Do weekly strength sessions to balance your cardio work. But if things were so simple, we’d all be leading contented lives where our deepest desires for change were realised in a heartbeat.
The fact is that change – whether physical, mental or emotional – is a committed process of mind over matter. We went one-on-one with Muffy Churches, an executive coach, speaker, counsellor and author of Coach Yourself ($29.99, Love & Write Publishing), to discuss some of the common challenges that change brings and how to persevere with fearlessness.
Challenge: Accept Discomfort
Sometimes the truth hurts, but acknowledging what it’s going to take to change your ways is the first step to embracing the challenge. Churches says the initial pep behind the decision to change behaviour is easily forgotten when the comfort of old, reliable behaviours creeps in. Being clear about the pain your current thinking is causing can ensure that your motivation persists.
“I might feel anxious looking in the mirror, seeing the weight I’ve put on, and think, ‘That’s it. It’s time to change this!’” says Churches. “[But] as soon as we make the effort to shift our behaviour [around food and exercise], we begin to feel the pain of change. We have to make new choices that feel less satisfying. We may perceive that we’re denying ourselves deserved rewards, and we cave in. In order to succeed at breaking through this common ‘surrender to comfort’ tendency, we need to be willing to experience the uneasiness and carry on.”
Challenge: Embrace clarity
Churches says one of the biggest obstacles holding people back from their potential is lack of clarity. Taking some serious time and space to develop a clear vision for changes, big and small, may seem counterintuitive in today’s busy world, but Churches argues it’s impossible to create the life we want if we’re not sure what that is. “If we don’t have a vision for an ideal future or for what our personal or professional potential may look like, we have nothing specific to move towards and our world becomes one of reactivity rather than proactivity,” she says. “Know precisely what you’re aiming for, by imagining the results and outcomes of the new thinking. Be able to see it, feel it and almost touch it.”
Challenge: Strengthen your self-worth
How often do your own thoughts, feelings and subconscious behaviours step in to sabotage your goals? A so-called ‘easy’ decision like reaching a healthy weight can become a mountain to climb when the soundtrack of a disruptive, self-limiting voice plays in the background.
“It’s an easy decision in the moment, but the reality is that behind the extra kilos sit years of thought patterns and habits that have set up an intricate web of body chemistry, justifications and emotions,” explains Churches. Giving yourself a break and developing the ability to stop listening to your inner voice when the “evil twin” emerges can enable you to overcome the habits that erode your confidence and make way for a “can-do” self-image.
“Our internal chatter can dictate our level of self-worth as we go about our days, questioning our decisions, admonishing our actions and generally jabbering away to define how we see our levels of deservedness. The ‘I can’t, I won’t, I shouldn’t, I can’t be bothered, and it’s all too hard’ are definite showstoppers,” adds Churches.
Challenge: Cultivate a supportive environment
If the people in your life can’t respect your goals, it might be time to choose your company more carefully. Churches says who you spend time with is incredibly important as you drive to make any kind of change happen.
“If you have a dream for yourself but friends or family continually stifle it, you’ll be running uphill with weights on your back,” she says. “If you’ve ever tried to stop smoking but your partner or best friend continued on without you, you’ll know what I mean. Even trying to eliminate certain foods after dinner is a nightmare for our discipline if a significant other is running back and forth to the kitchen for cookies and ice-cream.”
Challenge: Eliminate negative thinking
A mindset that supports your vision for change is unlikely to appear overnight. But a methodical approach can help you to “reprogram your software”, as Churches explains: “Once we have a clear view of where we’re headed we can then reverse engineer to discover how we can get there. What new thoughts, beliefs, values, and emotions will we need to introduce in order to begin to create the shift in behaviour that will lead us to bringing our new vision to life? Actually practise having new thoughts on the topic of your change-goal. Rehearse the new thinking in your head over and over again.”
Challenge: Persevere
The tendency to slip back into old patterns of thinking is completely normal, but the key is to redirect yourself back on course with the supportive thoughts, behaviours and interactions.
“When we begin to enact this new thinking and behaviour, we’ll need to anticipate and accept the fact that there will be a few bumps in the road that will test what we hoped would be smooth and immediate progress. Just keep at it and one day, like magic, you’ll notice that out of nowhere … presto chango, your new thinking is your new ‘default’,” reassures Churches.
Remember that the key to success relies on finding the strength to push through when the going gets tough.
Challenge: Harness performance anxiety
Living up to expectations during moments that count can form the perfect environment for well-intentioned change to unravel as we attempt to keep a handle on our fears. Having the capacity to push through the anxiety during these moments can be hugely liberating and cement the positive change we have been striving for.
“We’re all familiar with the anxiety that can accompany competing in a sport, or making a speech,” says Churches. “It’s actually possible to leverage those nerves to create a positive outcome.” Understanding how we interpret the adrenalin rush of a given situation can trick our brains into either feeling fearful or feeling excited. How we approach this aspect has a flow-on effect in behaviour and thinking.
“If we interpret the adrenalin we feel as fear, it will serve to protect us from potential pain by deadening our natural responses, causing a subdued performance and less efficient thinking. On the other hand, if we perceive the circumstances to be exciting, the adrenalin rush is interpreted as safe and the brain synapses work instead to enhance our thinking efficiency, helping us to create a peak performance,” says Churches.
Replicating the conditions of an upcoming physical challenge or event during a series of lead-up events – for example, fun runs ahead of a half-marathon – can help to acclimatise to the nerves of competition and rehearse being excited rather than anxious. Every time you imagine yourself on the starting line, turn those nerves into feelings of excitement and visualise it relentlessly.
Words Chelsea Roffey
